One of the secret places that my ego has hidden itself has been in the “I am here to help you” syndrome of my early thirties.
And my twenties. And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m pretty sure I was like that as a teenager, too. Okay, okay, until the Spring of this year, I was still it’s prisoner.
Here I was the big, strong, smart chicky momma with all the answers swooping down to help the little guy. The friend, the neighbor, the sister–everyone got my advice, much of it was just verbally vomited onto any live person in a twenty foot radius.
Even the Mc Donald’s cashier couldn’t hide from my unsolicited “help” as I’d begin to ask them about their “dream job” and ask what might be in their way of achieving it.
“Listen lady, do you want super size that or not?”
Poor guy just wanted to hand me a box of french fries, not have his whole existence analyzed by a stranger.
Blah. Makes me want to laugh, and throw-up in my mouth a little. Now that I’ve been on this road a while longer, I’ve learned some principles that have brought me tremendous peace and I’m sure “helped” others a lot more than the other way.
Here’s some very straight talk for Changemakers…
1. If YOU want change for a person more than THEY want it…you are out of alignment. This is YOU playing way out of bounds. People can only authentically change when it’s what THEY want for themselves, and not until.
2. There is nothing you can do to save another person. You can help people out sometimes–take over dinner, lighten their load, clear their energy field, you can listen to their pain for awhile, but ALL true change COMES from WITHIN. Unless a person’s desire to change comes from inside of them, and they are ACTING on it, anything you do will only be cosmetic and temporary. If YOU are confused about that in any way, THEY will also be confused. Relationships where ONE PERSON is trying to save ANOTHER person usually end up in resentment from one or both parties. Because that agreement began in dysfunction, it usually ends in dysfunction.
3. Life teaches us and God has Everyone on the Radar Life takes care of us more than we realize. It leads us along to the next point of learning, and we can never escape our own tutoring. I loved hearing my friend whom I’ll call Mark, tell me a story about how he had listened to a man for hundreds of hours talk about how this man’s wife was addicted to drugs. Over and over and over Mark had told this man to step away from his wife’s dysfunction (not realizing that my friend really wanted his own advice One night, this man ended up spending a night in jail because of the madness of his drug addicted wife. One night in jail woke him up more than all of the hours combined that my friend had poured into the relationship–with no results. God loved the man more than Mark loved the man, and LIFE had been his teacher. It teaches us all of us, right on time.
4. When Someone Changes, THEY are the ONES who DO it, not you. I love it that when people thank me now for the work they think that I have done for them, because I don’t get caught in the trap of congratulating myself, too. I always smile because inside I know the real truth. THEY DID IT! They attracted the teaching, the coaching, the book, or whatever…They Listened to it. They took action. They got the results. So, really, they are the ones that they get to thank and often I THANK THEM for the change THEY brought into the world. I really didn’t “do” anything. I am just living. I am living my life naturally each day, each moment, each breath, in a way that feels right to me. That’s the only thing I congratulate myself for.
So…now that we’ve outlined some boundaries in this whole Changemaker thing (and what not to do) what is a Good Game Plan for us TO DO?
There is really ONE thing on which to focus.
LIVE and CONNECT to SPIRIT. Every day there is just ONE PLAN. Open your eyes, find your God Source, & follow that Source each moment.
When you find Divine Source and connect to it, the Source lives THROUGH You.
The Source speaks the words. It breathes through the body. It moves through the day. When the mind becomes silent, the infinite wisdom of the Source has room to speak. Every moment is filled with wonder of what comes next. It knows when to answer the phone and when to let it ring. It tells you when to hold the child and when to let them play alone while you write the next article. It tells you when to give $100 to the homeless person and when to walk by and just send love.
The Source knows it all and guides it all, and the more that You (the ego-ic “I”) dissolve, the more space you clear for the Source to find a home in you.
The Source is what does the perfect work through us, and saves and inspires and when we are at ONE with it, we have no need to save others or be “thanked.”
We are just happy because we are.