Tag Archives: communications

The Importance of Being Open-Minded

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One of my mentors recently told me, “you’ve changed light years since we started working together”.

It was true. I felt I had lived five lifetimes in just two years.

Why do you think so much has changed so fast? I asked him.

He went quiet for a minute, reflecting. As with everything, he wanted to give his truest answer.

You are open. All the time. Even if you disagree completely with me, or can’t see something, you’ll look at it. Always. You stay open and you never stop looking for the answer until you have it.

I took that to heart and realized that some of our most life changing sessions had happened out of things I was blocked about or just “disagreed with” but then my own limitations would sweep away after more questions.

I was in bed for nearly 3 months in the beginning part of our mentoring, not sure if I was going to keep living here on earth or die and continue on somewhere else.
crazy to think how many miles have been coveted in such a short time. Amazing really.

Open mind, asking questions, never giving up on the answers and a relentless unyielding desire to find the way — those are all keys. Grateful today!!

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question

LIVE IN THE QUESTION is a state of mind that is creating radical opportunity for me right and left.

How can I get to a 7 figure income working less than 20 hours a week?🤔

How can I lean out, get more muscle, and have more fun all at the same time?

QUESTIONS are leading the way for me.

A question that doesn’t have an answer yet CAN TAKE YOU A NEW PLACE you have never been.

If I focus on what I already know, then I’m gonna end up with something that I already have.

But I want increase, so I’m asking to go where I haven’t gone before.

I want money I haven’t created yet.  I want parts of life that I’ve never lived in before.  I want to love in a way I haven’t experienced love before.

So the question HAS TO LEAD (you get me?!)

I’ve been strategizing with a potentially big leader (super big) for my team and we are negotiating the terms.  When I sit down at the table with her I’m thinking “How can WE BOTH get all that we want out of this — more than we expected?”

When you ask a question, answers you didn’t see or know before have an ENTRY POINT into your space.

Buddhists talk about beginner’s mind: the state of openness that doesn’t know.  This is what leads to MORE.

Ego mind–the “I know” mind– is my least favorite to hear about.  Really? You were born of the cosmos and you came from the Gods.  You be been here like 5 earth time minutes.  You *can’t* know.  And You’re so tiny, you don’t know what you don’t know, so permanently STAY OPEN MINDED.

Open to all possibilities

Ok, last story. This week I was meeting with a team member who had decided to let go of a major income stream and status rights in her country. “I can’t fit it in with my family schedule.”

She was right!

So I said, “ok, so we know what is NOT going to work, but there are 50 more options.

We only need ONE.

Let’s play.” We listed creative idea after creative idea and the doors flung open and her mind lit up and suddenly she saw CHOICES.

She stopped thinking: “I am going to lose this”, and started feeling EXCITED how she could keep it.

If something is right, and if it’s FOR you, there’s always a way.

STAY ON THE QUESTION.

Ask questions you don’t have answers to, live inside the space of openness and just keep asking

The cosmos created you.
You have much much more to
Learn, have and RECEIVE.

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Communicate Well and with Clarity

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All attempts to get what we want through indirect means are manipulation.

Including the following:

-Telling our story to get others to feel sorry for us or give love & validation.

-Wanting others to do things for us and using emotional responses to guilt or pressure them into doing so. (like withdrawing love, or getting angry.)

-Using indirect methods of communication instead of open, direct DIALOGUE with the SOURCE.

We are powerful enough to create the LOVE we want and the things we feel are ours to obtain, by going directly to the source and ASKING for what we need.

For example,

if someone says to me, “I am so burdened, so frustrated…”

I am looking for what they want.

I am waiting to hear their direct requests.

“Can you share your love with me?”

“Can you give me some coaching tips?”

Going to the SOURCE and asking specifically for what we desire is the only true, healthy way. God also waits for us to ASK for what we need and invites us continually in the scriptures to do so.

Using emotion to secure what we want in any other “indirect manner” is out of alignment with our true selves which crave deep honesty, authenticity without masks and meaningful relationships by choice…not guilt ridden obligation.

When we do enough work inside to get ourselves here, and we are this clear and certain, we are now in a position of powerful Creation.

We communicate well and with clarity.

We handle our emotions with responsibility, and yield our words consciously.

With these skills, we can obtain healthy love;

We live in pure relationships that come from original desire, and we are ready to experience true abundance in all it’s forms.

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How to Empower People

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Stop trying to make or influence people’s life decisions FOR them. Instead …

1. ASK THEM: WHAT do you WANT?

After they identify it …

2. ASK: WHAT ARE ALL YOUR OPTIONS?

Let them list ALL the possibilities (and suggest some they might not see)

3. WHICH DO YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

Let the decision come from inside of them, with their own resources and innate power. If they need coaching, new ideas, more options, or help with blocks, OFFER it. But THEY MUST CHOOSE ON their own.

Once they decide…

4. ASK: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? and perhaps…WHAT SUPPORT WOULD YOU like FROM ME?

Say yes (or no!) to their specific requests. REQUIRE that they ASK directly and specifically for what they want with your involvement and do exactly (only) what you said you would do.

THIS IS A GREAT MODEL FOR EMPOWERING PEOPLE, rather than enabling them.

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Teling the Truth and Making Love to the Moment

My body is melting into a seat at a local cafe in Scottsdale.  I’m 45 minutes away from my home and my office, which currently share the same location.  That’s a lot of movement for one address. These little ‘out of the city’ excursions are my way of easing restlessness when I’ve been working way too much under the same roof.
This is a new place I recently discovered, and it-is-fantastic!  There’s a little row of urban-style shops, mixed in with high end clothing stores that dot the space around the the Biltmore Hotel. This afternoon I’ll spend an hour or so taking it all in, probably not purchasing, and then I’ll be back here in this seat doing what I came to do…write.

I love writing

 

Writing brings me back to myself. It’s my secret, I-never-do-this-enough pleasure.  Some people hate it and I can’t figure out why.  They claim they can’t spell or don’t know what to say, but Windows will hold your hand with spell check, and when you start talking to yourself (about yourself) on paper, you never seem to stop.  It’s narcissistic, maybe.  Cathartic, definitely.

 

Ten years ago I began to write my first book, which started as this pile of loose pages in a black binder that I got for $1.99 at Walgreen’s.  I’m sure it looked like any ordinary binder, but this particular one had my journey of coming out of self-hatred inside of it.

 

You see, in my younger years, I was a self-loather that dated (and almost married) depression.  I began writing as a college drop out who had no life purpose other than what had been handed to me by others.  Inside, I felt I was nothing.  And I had the plans to show for it.  One day I had the feeling to write about the misery I was feeling inside and I never stopped.

 

Day after day, page after page, I put my wild, untamed thoughts down on paper.  As black letters spilled across white sheets of paper, something very unplanned began to happen.  Something I did not expect, and did not even know at that time in my life, was possible.

 

A different part of me started to show up.  Behind the negative, sad person I was inside, an older, kinder, much wiser version of me started to emerge. This was the first time I actually NOTICED my own thinking and I was totally surprised, shocked, at how negative and destructive I had been to myself for so long. Eventually the “nice lady” started taking over my thoughts and started running more of the show. (not without a fight.)

 

It’ almost as though scribbling it down allowed me to get all the junk out.  Those thoughts were like   mold growing inside a very old house.  It was in there everyday, hidden, breeding, and making me sick, but I couldn’t see it, but writing exposed the disease. As I got it all down on paper, it allowed enough of a space to clear so that something higher could come forward.
The Nice Lady was fun.  She was funny,too, and she laughed at my silly declarations of unworthiness.  She thought we could do great things. And most of all, to my tremendous relief, she liked me–no, loved me.  And I learned to love myself in the process.  (yes, I have seen a psychologist and no, I have not been diagnosed with multiple personalities :)
—–

 

I think we can get to the real truth through writing about our experiences, faster than thinking about them because thoughts come too fast and they are so influenced by our conditioning.  It seems that most of them spring right up out our crusty old mental programs–and there’s nothing insightful or creative about that. Our minds have tens of thousands of thoughts spiraling through our head like javelins in a hurricane and it’s hard to see clearly in a storm.

Speakingand sharing with others can sometimes challenge our honesty, because if we are talking to another person, we are most likely censoring, in large or small ways Unless we have very very safe friends who can remain 100% neutral and without opinions, as well as be unconditionally accepting, we are unknowingly influencing what we share. We have a core need to accepted and we don’t want people to see us standing in our most vulnerable rooms, totally naked.

 

But writing…writing is where we can tell the whole truth about our condition.  We write for ourselves because we are the ones that matter the most in the equation.  The original text is not for other people, though we sometimes share pieces later–we write to come home so we know what’s up in our own lives.

 

Writing also allows us to slow life down enough to dip into the deeper veins of knowledge waiting to be discovered if we’d just give it a little more time and attention.It slows us down enough to see that our lives unfold frame by frame.
I love it when life slows down.  I love sitting on this bench with nowhere to go and my to-do list resting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.  I love the faint smell of rain that just blew through here.  I didn’t notice that before.

 

I didn’t come here to get something done today–I came here to get undone, to BE.  Writing helps us make love to the moment as though it’s all we have and when we experience that, we find ourselves wrapped totally inside the romance of the most simple things. Slow motion reveals what high speed can never show.  Placing a kiss on the cheek of your child is an event.  When his fingers brush your forearm and your heart flutters while your body raises with intrigue–that’s epic.

 

I have often not had the patience for writing, because I was scared of it– I was scared to experience my life that deeply.  And I was fooled thinking that satisfaction, that real achievement was in winning the next race, instead of right here in front of me. Yet, when I look closely, I can see it in the brilliant, ordinary splendor of my current life.

 

I can see that real achievement — is to experience my own being. This is a uncommon accomplishment that few enjoy (and there’s nothing to win here, but your own life back.)

 

For me, writing is what brought me home to my real self over ten years ago, and I’m still using that tool to cut through different versions of a falsehood that try to invade me even today.

 

But I always know if I get lost in self-despair like I did ten years ago, or over achievement like I did ten minutes ago, I can find my way again.

 

Because I will always have a blank page to show me the way back home.

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If You Think People Need You…You’re Creating Problems

One of the secret places that my ego has hidden itself has been in the “I am here to help you” syndrome of my early thirties.

And my twenties.  And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m pretty sure I was like that as a teenager, too.  Okay, okay, until the Spring of this year, I was still it’s prisoner.

Here I was the big, strong, smart chicky momma with all the answers swooping down to help the little guy.  The friend, the neighbor, the sister–everyone got my advice, much of it was just verbally vomited onto any live person in a twenty foot radius.

Even the Mc Donald’s cashier couldn’t hide from my unsolicited “help” as I’d begin to ask them about their “dream job” and ask what might be in their way of achieving it.

Listen lady, do you want super size that or not?

Poor guy just wanted to hand me a box of french fries, not have his whole existence analyzed by a stranger.

Blah. Makes me want to laugh, and throw-up in my mouth a little. Now that I’ve been on this road a while longer, I’ve learned some principles that have brought me tremendous peace and I’m sure “helped” others a lot more than the other way.

Here’s some very straight talk for Changemakers…

1. If YOU want change for a person more than THEY want it…you are out of alignment.  This is YOU playing way out of bounds.  People can only authentically change when it’s what THEY want for themselves, and not until.

2. There is nothing you can do to save another person.  You can help people out sometimes–take over dinner, lighten their load, clear their energy field, you can listen to their pain for awhile, but ALL true change COMES from WITHIN.  Unless a person’s desire to change comes from inside of them, and they are ACTING on it, anything you do will only be cosmetic and temporary.  If YOU are confused about that in any way, THEY will also be confused.   Relationships where ONE PERSON is trying to save ANOTHER person usually end up in resentment from one or both parties.  Because that agreement began in dysfunction, it usually ends in dysfunction.

3. Life teaches us and God has Everyone on the Radar Life takes care of us more than we realize.  It leads us along to the next point of learning, and we can never escape our own tutoring.  I loved hearing my friend whom I’ll call Mark, tell me a story about how he had listened to a man for hundreds of hours talk about how this man’s wife was addicted to drugs.  Over and over and over Mark had told this man to step away from his wife’s dysfunction (not realizing that my friend really wanted his own advice :)  One night, this man ended up spending a night in jail because of the madness of his drug addicted wife.  One night in jail woke him up more than all of the hours combined that my friend had poured into the relationship–with no results.  God loved the man more than Mark loved the man, and LIFE had been his teacher.  It teaches us all of us, right on time.

4. When Someone Changes, THEY are the ONES who DO it, not you. I love it that when people thank me now for the work they think that I have done for them, because I don’t get caught in the trap of congratulating myself, too.  I always smile because inside I know the real truth.  THEY DID IT!  They attracted the teaching, the coaching, the book, or whatever…They Listened to it.  They took action.  They got the results.  So, really, they are the ones that they get to thank and often I THANK THEM for the change THEY brought into the world.  I really didn’t “do” anything.  I am just living. I am living my life naturally each day, each moment, each breath, in a way that feels right to me.  That’s the only thing I congratulate myself for.

So…now that we’ve outlined some boundaries in this whole Changemaker thing (and what not to do) what is a Good Game Plan for us TO DO?

There is really ONE thing on which to focus.

LIVE and CONNECT to SPIRIT.  Every day there is just ONE PLAN.  Open your eyes, find your God Source, & follow that Source each moment.

When you find Divine Source and connect to it, the Source lives THROUGH You.

The Source speaks the words.  It breathes through the body.  It moves through the day.  When the mind becomes silent, the infinite wisdom of the Source has room to speak. Every moment is filled with wonder of what comes next.  It knows when to answer the phone and when to let it ring.  It tells you when to hold the child and when to let them play alone while you write the next article.  It tells you when to give $100 to the homeless person and when to walk by and just send love.

The Source knows it all and guides it all, and the more that You (the ego-ic “I”) dissolve, the more space you clear for the Source to find a home in you.

The Source is what does the perfect work through us, and saves and inspires and when we are at ONE with it, we have no need to save others or be “thanked.”

We are just happy because we are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One of My Friend’s is Dying…

I received a letter from a friend of mine (and a client for the past year) who is dying.

She has a surprising reaction to most people, but one that I understand.

She is excited. She is very grateful for her life and excited about her journey.

I will not share her name, that is for her to do, but I am writing this in honor of HER LIFE and the ONE LIFE, that lives through us all…

This experience has got me thinking….

If I were dying, what would I want to do in my last month?

Here is my answer…

I would gather all the people I have ever had any kind of life experience with around ONE BIG ROUND TABLE…I would gather my friends, my neighbors, my church members and business partners, and invite them to spend an evening with me.  I’d invite my mother, my alcoholic father (he’s dead but I think he could still make it), my sexual abusers, and those who don’t like me at all.  I’d sit next to my sweet soul mate husband, David, my four children, and find a place on the floor for our one-eyed stray cat (Cupcake.)  I’d invite the person last year who promised to tell others not to join my programs and then the hundreds of clients who have been close to me and changed my life by watching them grow.  I’d invite the lady who cuts my hair and always tells me to use Serum because the ends are too dry.  And my manicurist who gets me 3 bottles of water every time I sit in the chair instead of just 1 like everyone else.

I’d have ONE MESSAGE..

THANK YOU!

Thank you for being in my journey.  There are 7 billion people on the planet…that’s a WHOLE LOT of people that I DIDN’T MEET.

That means the ones that I DID MEET, were sacred exchanges.

Each person had something to give, something to share.  Each was a teacher.

There wasn’t one person who didn’t give to me in grand, great measure in their own unique way.  The abusers taught me forgiveness.  The discontented clients taught me to excel.  The business partners challenged me.  The soul mate husband taught me love (and patience) The kids taught me the joy of giving (and non-attachment :)

What amazing experiences.  I would be so grateful for that, for each person and I would want to share that with ALL of them!

—————

I am not dying.  (at least not that I am aware of).

But each day, I die in another way.  The past dies in me as I receive each moment, fresh and free.  Negativity dies in me as I learn to see goodness underneath all life events. (esp the “bad” things) Judgment dies in me as I see people without barriers.  Resentment dissolves as I see gratitude for *every* experience.

I do not believe that I will ever DIE in any other way but these, because the LIFE that lives in me NOW, lives in me FOREVER…it just changes playing fields.

To my friend who is moving on…I love you.  Thank you for our sacred exchanges.

And to myself, and those of us who are here for a little longer…LIVE, LIVE, LIVE to the fullest measure, and we will be excited when it is our time, too.

 

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Use Social Media- Don’t Let Social Media Use You

Everyone has seen, used, or been involved with Social Media these days and most companies (big and small)  see the value in using social media.   Marketing campaigns are now set up to include an all social media aspect part of their promotions. But when it comes down to it, the majority of people who use social media use it leisurely and as a source of entertainment throughout the day.   But as with all things online today safety and social media smarts must be reviewed.

Social Media Safety Guidelines

  1. Avoid accepting friend requests from people you do not actually know
  2. Turn your status to “offline”. Online chat windows are the most common way for spammers to reach you. Spammers often send you links asking you to look at pictures or videos.
  3. Protect your integrity by deleting inappropriate posts or comments from your page and block the users who send them.  This is your space!
  4. Discipline your time on Social Media sites. You can easily get lost dropping in on pages, scanning photo albums and leaving comments everywhere.  Be very disciplined in how you spend your time.  If you are spending more than a few minutes each time, re-evaluate the usefulness of your activity, make adjustments, and discipline yourself.
  5. Inappropriate Connections: Many people fall into the trap of developing inappropriate connections with another person through internet use. When you feel you have to hide your communications, that is a clue that there is something out of alignment in your life.  Time to hit the “off” button and seek real answers from God and real people in your life.
  6. Discipline your communications. Many people succumb come to  “technology boldness.”  Never say things online that you wouldn’t actually say if you were standing right in front of that person.

Like anything, Social Media is a tool that can be used for good or ill. If your time on Social Media sites (or any technology device) effects any of these three principles or areas of your life then it is a tool being used for ill and you need to stop using it or become more disciplined.

  • It is in the way of my family or other key relationships. In other words, spending time using technology is in the way of your relationships with important people in your life that need your time and attention to stay connected and thrive.
  • It is in the way of my relationship with God and your spiritual progression. In other words, it has become a distraction to you or is eating away time that you would be seeking a relationship with God, or other spiritual activities where you would have the Holy Ghost and His guidance more present in your life.
  • In the way of learning. If it effects your school work, or uses up time you otherwise would have to read, learn, take classes, or other things that add lasting value, then it has outgrown its proper bounds and it’s time to evaluate.  If it effects much needed sleep time, then your use is out of alignment.

Social Media is something that will continue to grow and become a part of our lives – it is up to each one of us to discipline ourselves and use it wisely all the while maintaining the balance in our lives in order to live our lives with purpose.

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