Sometimes you are so busy taking care of people, you forget to ask…
“How AM I doing?”
And take care of you, as well.
Sometimes you are so busy taking care of people, you forget to ask…
“How AM I doing?”
And take care of you, as well.
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Everyday, you are creating your life according to your deepest beliefs. The more you allow these “I am” beliefs into your mind, the more they will take root in your life.
A must have arsenal in your skill sets.
1. ASK THEM: WHAT do you WANT?
After they identify it …
2. ASK: WHAT ARE ALL YOUR OPTIONS?
Let them list ALL the possibilities (and suggest some they might not see)
3. WHICH DO YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
Let the decision come from inside of them, with their own resources and innate power. If they need coaching, new ideas, more options, or help with blocks, OFFER it. But THEY MUST CHOOSE ON their own.
Once they decide…
4. ASK: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? and perhaps…WHAT SUPPORT WOULD YOU like FROM ME?
Say yes (or no!) to their specific requests. REQUIRE that they ASK directly and specifically for what they want with your involvement and do exactly (only) what you said you would do.
A lot of people tell me they don’t feel qualified, or good enough, to follow their dream.
They want to write a book, but they don’t know if they have something valuable to say.
They want to start a business, but they don’t know if they;ll succeed.
They want to be a coach, but they didn’t get their degree, so they don’t feel qualified.
Because of their doubt, all these dreams get put on a shelf and saved for later and they won’t take them down until they have some guarantee they are good enough to succeed.
If you have THESE 3 THINGS, You already have what you need to begin.
1. DESIRE–and that is key. (Keep reading, more on this below.)
2. A KNOWING INSIDE that this is right for you, (and it’s alright if there’s fear around it.)
3. WORK ETHIC to take the right steps and hopefully, you get aligned with someone who has a MAP to show you the way.
That’s it, sunshine. That’s all you need to have to begin.
But for the natural mind, it’s not enough to satisfy the demands of your ego.
The ego wants some kind of certainty that this is going to work out and in that request, we are deeply mistaken because we are asking for something we only qualify ourselves to receive ALONG the way.
I doubt there has been anyone who created anything on the planet — who started with the certainty that what they were about to do was going to work who did not face doubts if they were good enough to do it.
We don’t even need these things — that’s just your head trying to hurt you.
Here’s what you really need instead.
For example, the DESIRE to be a coach causes us to share it with a few people and work ethic tells us, yes, it’s time to follow up with them. We get one client. They only want to trade services, not pay us. But as we trade services with them, we see that they got some positive changes from spending time with us and we lap up that evidence as validation that YES, we are on the right track and it’s time to put it into higher gear.
So, we share our coaching service with more people, and oh my goodness, even put it out there on Facebook in front of God and everyone that WE — DO — COACHING — for MONEY (gasp, I hope my relatives aren’t reading this!) and then we sweat for the next few hours until, oh hey, someone has messaged us and wants to pay us $50.
That’s 50$ of evidence.
They get good results.
We get more clients.
A few thousand dollars and some success stories later, and we’ve not only got some certainty, but we’ve got LAYERS to our CERTAINTY (from the results) and now, you’ve got yourself a business.
Did you start with all that confidence? No.
You gathered it.
You get it along the way and that’s why I am telling you, that DESIRE is enough to start the gears and WORK ETHIC will take you to the next steps.
If you feel a desire inside to write a book– THE BOOK wants to be created by you.
If you hear music in your head, THE MUSIC wants to be written by you.
There are a lot of book ideas that haven’t come to anyone yet, because there is no place for them in the world yet.
THE FACT THAT YOU FEEL THE DESIRE, is ALL THE PERMISSION YOU NEED.
I got really serious in business about 5 years ago.
Here was my resume at that time.
1. Mom of 4 kids (who were amazing when they came to us.)
2. College Drop out
3. No Work Experience
Wow, the job offers were just pouring in… (I just threw up in my mouth.)
I had ONE THING …. DESIRE.
Okay, two things. DESIRE and WORK. I was willing to work and work and work and fail and work and try something without even the slightest awareness that it would succeed for me.
It was enough.
I was too ignorant to calculate if it was going to succeed or not, and no one was more surprised than me when people started following me and buying my stuff.
In the past five years, thousands of people all over the world have attended my trainings, joined my doTERRA wellness community and and I’ve had a close look into many of their lives.
I can tell you from a LOT of observation ….
PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO MOVE WITHOUT a guarantee, are the ones succeeding.
They work with abandon. They throw themselves IN and they’ll take action waaaaay before they feel qualified. I love that.
The definition of “courage” is “ALL HEART IN.”
One of my favorite examples of this is PETER from the New Testament.
He’s passionate, and a tiny bit reckless. He’s lover and a fighter.
He’s the guy without a plan, but when His gut tells Him to go, he moves.
I love that when the guards came for Christ, he got so upset that he lopped off an ear.
Never you mind that he had been told this was going to happen and there was a group of surely armed men around him, no…he just felt the passion of protection and the sword went flying.
I love that he fell asleep when Christ asked Peter to wait wait with him. The single most important event in the history of the world is occurring a stone’s throw away and Peter’s catching some zzzzz’s.
I love that he denied knowing his leader three times and wept over it and still went on to lead the Christian movement.
Peter acts–sometimes without thinking, and things still manage to work out for him.
He is the most relate-able apostle, the leader for the everyday man and woman.
One of my very favorite parts about Peter’s life happened just before Christ left him in charge.
Here’s what went down..
After their leader’s death, they prepared the body, laid him in the tomb and in no less than 3 days, Peter said, “I’m goin’ fishing.” Several others followed him.
Maybe the crew didn’t know they were going to carry on his mission after he left, but once He was gone, they scattered.
Back on the boat, they fished through the night and caught nothing.
In the morning, a man called to them and said, “Children, did you catch anything.”
They hadn’t. The man (whom they still didn’t recognize) instructed them to cast the net onto the right side of the boat and their net was soon bursting with the amphibious prize.
And then … the revelation.
It was their Leader.
Christ was there.
Upon hearing this, Peter did something very amazing …very cool and SO VERY … um, PETER. He grabbed his coat (he was naked) and….
He threw himself into the sea.
I had two thoughts when I read this.
1. I didn’t know that people fished naked.
2. I LoooooVE PETER.
The guy is just pure heart.
He recognized his LORD, and nothing could hold him back, not even freezing cold morning sea water.
I’m thinking Peter could have traveled a little faster to Christ rowing the boat, rather than swimming.
But calculated thinking at that one particular moment would have held back his first impulse, which was to MOVE
LOVE, DESIRE, PASSION, COMMITMENT — It moves us to action.
The plans and guarantees come later. I don’t know all the reasons why did Christ chose Peter lead the church, especially with so much human-ness he seemed to carry. But I have to believe that HEART was a part of it.
He had a huge calling ahead of him and the point of this whole thing is that HE — WAS — ALREADY — QUALIFIED.
He didn’t know that in the beginning, but he didn’t need to know it. He was going to have his refining experiences and the evidence would come later.
He would succeed at what he came to do. But he didn’t know that either.
The steps would be revealed.
He would actually die during his mission, but he certainly didn’t need to know that.
(Good thing, because that could really mess with your head.)
It seems to me that on our earth journeys we are operating on a ‘need to know’ protocol.
What do you “need to know’ to get started?
1. Do you have a DESIRE?
2. Do you feel you are pursuing the right path for you?
3. Do you have THE NEXT STEP. (not the whole map, just the next thing you are to do.)
If you do, you’re good to go baby, so, stop sweating it, and don’t over think everything , or you’ll be stuck on a boat forever waiting for the plan, when the most exciting adventure is waiting for you at sea.
Peter’s calling showed up, and he threw himself into it.
He succeeded–because he was willing to GO when it was time.
So…If you’re calling is here … how about you?
It’s your day to take a dive.
In this video, I’m bringing you a little tough love.
Like a friend who gives it to you straight in order to help you, I want to tell you if you don’t know how to sell, you’re probably not going to make it.
Sadly, sometimes people get so busy creating pictures and writing content, they forget to create CASH — and you can’t pay your electric bill with likes. >> http://tinyurl.com/hdtzq22
In this video, you’ll learn …
*How to address fears when it comes to asking for the money
*What to say in sales session
*How to answer the tough questions
*How to feel comfortable and confident in every situation
Plus much more.
You really can do this. You can SELL and be great at it! You need a little coaching and also a PLAN — one that will work and that’s customized for your business.
At this link, you can get access to a $1 guide that will reveal my four step process on crushing sales and make it fun. In fact, soon you may even ENJOY the “sales” part of business.
You can double your business in the next twelve months.
Or triple it. You really can. (I dare you!)
Happy Watching! Here’s that link again >> http://HeatherMadder.com/customers
Remember that over 80% of businesses fail in the first five years.
That’s not going to be you, because you do things like watch videos, download guides
face your fears, and work your bootie off! Now, go get it!
My favorite thing about team calls is not growth numbers or big plans…but the HONESTY.
We have a culture of genuine authenticity where you can talk about where you’re weak or what you’re not good and that’s just what we do. You can share anything. No gossip. There’s no judgment. No backlash. (No one would listen if you tried.)
A celebration in the truth-telling.
So people will actually say in front of everyone… “On a scale of 0-10 with this, I’m a 3.”
I get a thrill when I hear it. Sometimes I’m the one who starts it. I love it because it’s so real, I think.
And because whatever you can SEE, you can IMPROVE, and I feel the progress speeding along all around me.
The positive side of this personality type is that they achieve many great things.
The underside is that life feels constantly pressurized and they may never feel like enough.
“I see the good I’m doing and I am the first one to recognize it.”
“I use comparison only to measure where I am now, and where I used to be.”
“In being kind to myself mentally and emotionally, I excel more quickly than I would with otherwise.”
“I see my own change as my true success.”
“Growth is a peaceful process.”
“I am patient with myself while I master new skills.”
“People see the best in me and I see the best in myself.”
“My transformation process is protected with love for me and respect for my timing.”
“I am in competition with no one except who I used to be.”
“I am good enough right now and do not have to earn this.”
“I pursue new skills and achievements out of the love of learning and the value of having these experiences.”
“I am enough for myself and others.”
“Failure doesn’t exist for me, only in giving up.”
While I was at the zoo one spring with my kids, I found a boy about 4 years old who was walking around calling out for his mother, crying in a panic.
I stopped and spoke to him, “Hi sweetheart, my name is Heather. Do you want me to help you find your mom?”
He was so panicked, that he couldn’t look at me or respond. I tried to comfort him. “We can find her, don’t worry. I will stay with you until we do. What’s your name?”
He didn’t respond to me. He was desperate and in hysterics. I then asked him if we could walk around and look for her.
Crying and crying, he was frozen in fear, completely immobile.
I called my son Isaac and his friend over to see if children closer to his age could reach him. They did their best to talk to him, but he remained hysterical, continuing in uncontrollable sobs. We tried offering him a drink to distract him for a moment. No luck.
I knew that if we moved closer to the play structure nearby, we’d probably locate his mother, but his panic had him completely frozen. I didn’t want to invade his space by picking him up in such a fragile state.
I also didn’t want to leave him so that I could look for his mom, because I promised him that I would stay.
Several minutes had passed and by this time, he was exhausted. He squatted on the ground, and folded his small body over his legs, burying his face in his tiny thighs. He looked like he couldn’t take it anymore, and he was giving up. I felt so much compassion for him and prayed in my heart to know how to help him.
I put my hand on the center of his back & spoke in a clear, commanding voice, loud enough so he could hear me.
“She hasn’t left you.”
“She is here,” and “she is looking for you right now.”
For the first time in minutes, he took a deep breath and finally stopped sobbing.
Still whimpering a little, he turned his head towards me, his face streaked with tears.
He had the sweetest brown eyes. I looked directly into them and told him again, clearly but much more softly this time.
“Your mother is here, sweetheart. She is looking for you right now. If we go together, we can find her.”
This time he stood up. He didn’t speak, but wiped his face, and reached out for my hand that was outstretched and ready for his.
We walked around for a few minutes and when we reached the other side of the playground, he saw his mother and ran to her.
She said to him exasperatedly, “Eli! I have been looking for you! Are you okay?”
She was clearly concerned and immediately took care of him.
Wanting to spare her from any more discomfort, and seeing him in great hands, I felt my job was over. I watched them hug each other and smiled as I walked away.
Later, As I thought of that experience later, I realized again how FEAR is an emotional response that keeps us frozen. (Fight, Flight or Freeze response.)
When we are in a place of uncertainty, our deepest fears rise up and cause us to ‘freeze in our tracks.’
Here are a few suggestions that will help you calm down the fear response and get you back to center.
This is not the time to call your dramatic friends who want to get all emotionally involved. You need the stable friend; the conscious coach who will keep their feet on the ground and help you stand up and walk out of the tidal wave.
When my husband was in stomach surgery to remove part of his digestive track, his a 90 minute procedure went hours over the scheduled time. I was mostly calm until the surgery went into its 4th hour. When I looked at the clock and saw how long it was taking, a fear response turned on in, and a tidal wave came and washed me out of logic.
I immediately texted my friend, Kalenn.
“David’s surgery is going over.
Can you coach me?”
In 60 seconds we were on the phone together.
“What are you feeling?” She asked.
“Fear. Panic.” I responded, emotional and under-water.
“What’s the trigger?” She asked.
“Surgery is taking hours longer than I was told”
“What does that mean to you?” She inquired.
“I am afraid something bad happened.” I said.
“If they are taking more time with him, it probably means that they are being so careful and being extra sure to get everything out. That is going to take more time, right?”
When she said that, my panic response stopped.
I breathed. I found my footing. I stood up in the tidal wave and in 30 seconds I was back.
She kept talking to me telling me that he was safe, and that I could handle this, and showing me the positives.
FACT: He was in surgery longer than I expected.
FEAR: Something bad has happened to him.
Fear has one pattern. Take a simple fact, shower it with gasoline and light a match of tragic meaning.
Even if there IS SOMETHING we need to address, we are more prepared to respond well if we are NOT in fear, but we are of sound mind.
Here are some qualities that disqualify candidates from this ring.
People have to QUALIFY themselves to be in sacred spaces of our lives. Kalenn, and other members of my inner circle, have gained my trust and because they have proven themselves by their pure intent and are qualified at coaching.
1.Take deep grounding breaths. Breathing oxygenates the body and calms the system. If you are able to lay your body flat or get in nature, that can calm the mind and the slow down the cortisol (stress hormone) flushing through your system.
2.Say a prayer; ask for what you want; ask for the next steps.
3.Choose a mantra to repeat over and over again like,
4.“Things work out.”
5.“I can do this.” “God is watching out for me.” or pick whatever works for you.
Also, that we are eternally LOVED and accompanied with support–God, angels.
A fun little article…Happy Travels!
I could live on eggs and toast, salads and turkey sandwiches.
When it’s time for dessert, or dinner out, I can eat a little bit of whatever is there, but I’m never starving and so I don’t over eat.
Being hungry to save calories is a bad idea and set up for indulging.
“When I keep my commitments to myself, I respect and trust myself.”
My meditation teacher (& spiritual mentor) came to my house for our session and told me, “You’re always trying to get somewhere and your inability to fully appreciate this moment is why you have some of the dis-ease you’ve been telling me about.” I said, “Get out of my house.”
I laughed. He laughed too, because he knew I was joking. I was using humor to deflect momentarily from the fact that HE WAS RIGHT. Again. Then I said, “Well, if I just build my business a little, tiny, bit bigger (imagine me pressing my fingers to the size of an inch in the air) I think I’ll finally be satisfied and feel that I’ve arrived.” He smiled. Another joke.
I like his sense of humor and he likes the fact that I investigate every suggestion and consider it might be true.
I made this picture as a reminder and I admit, after our little chat I was definitely more mindful. I had moved appreciation to the forefront of my attention and I admit, a few times this week, I’ve fallen into a river of gratitude so deep, I thought to myself, “I have all have ever wanted and more.”
And joy was gushing.