Category Archives: Happy Relationships!

How I Got Lost, Drenched and Found in the Mountains

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(How I Got Lost, Drenched and Found in the Mountains) On Tuesday, I jumped in my truck and drove north to marinate my soul in nature. So much family and business action this year has been exhilarating and also left me in need of recharge.

When I reached the red hills of Sedona, I stopped for a new pair of hiking shoes. I chit chatted with a master guide there about how we both chose to be business owners for the freedom, but we don’t take enough time off to enjoy it. (Though, he leaves 4 months a year just to hike, so he might be doing okay :)

“Well, this very day, I am making progress,” I declared, as I scooped up my new kicks off the counter.

He responded, “Sedona is a great place to manifest change” and stared at me square in the eyes.

The words hit me hard. Like in the center of my chest hard, and I carried them with me on the highway as I drove.

I pulled into a hiking area in Coconino National Forrest and started my way up West Fork Trail and was immediately surrounded by colossal red rock that engulfed me like an ant. Green trees towered all around– juniper, pine and aspen.

The air smelled like happiness.

I was in instant ecstasy as I trekked alone up the trail, passing people here and there, exchanging friendly hellos.

While I hiked, I thought of something I read in the gift shop back in town.

“Learn the lesson and let it go.”

This year had given me incredible perspective from deep experiences that had been miraculous, and sometimes painful.

I knew to leave everything in the past & take only two things:

GRATITUDE and WHAT I HAD LEARNED.

If you want to move at a rapid pace, there’s no other option but to travel light (mentally, emotionally.) But I hadn’t let everything go — I carried some worries, a few regrets and a tiny swatches of dense emotions.

As my feet pounded up the hill, I wanted each step to stamp clear any residue hiding in the inner parts. I stepped with intention to have ALL OF ME CLEAR and clean in the present.

I crossed the stream that wove itself all throughout the trail, and hopped on my toes from rock to rock. On the other side of the fresh water, I found new trails, more birds– so much life.

The mountainous stood stalwart and hadn’t moved in thousands of years.
The rain or scorching sun could beat down– or a fire burn the surface (and it has) — and they’d just go with it.

They were built to recover. They would use whatever came and grow life again.
A silent monument of acceptance — acceptance of what comes and a reminder to treat life like a process, not an amusement park, teaching travelers how to live and how to die.

About three miles into the hike, it began to rain. I adored it (at first.) I stood under the shelter of a tree and watched water polka dot the dirt around my shoes, waiting for it to pass. After twenty minutes or so, it became obvious it wasn’t going to clear, and I headed back the way I came.

Soon, the sky grew darker and in 2 minutes, I was soaked. Desert monsoons, aka summer rain storms, can be fierce and nothing to mess with. It’s Arizona’s only claim to actual “weather,” and it’s a good one.

As the downpour increased, I sped back quickly to the entrance. The once semi-populated trail was now barren and I hadn’t seen a single soul for at least 30 minutes.

Still, I felt safe and peaceful, and was thoroughly enjoying my adventure until I was about half way back, and the trail I was following appeared to be swallowed up by the rising stream. (Let me jump in here to say that David is not happy at this point in my story, and in case you’re concerned, know that he’s done due diligence to warn me about hiking alone.)

No trail. Now what?

The sky had dumped the entire belly of it’s contents on my head and I was so wet, I might as well have walked right out of a swimming pool. My back pack was soaked all the way through and my once protected cell phone has seized during it’s warm July bath.

And have I mentioned that I am geographically challenged?

I pulled out a plastic orange “I’m lost in the woods whistle” that I bought at the sporting goods store with a chuckle the night before, thinking I would never EVER use such a thing. I laughed at myself as I blew it but, the sound didn’t carry far through the wall of water in the sky, plus there was no one around to hear me anyway. It was useless and I felt ridiculous so I put it away.

No trail, no phone, no people. Hmmm…What to do?

Pray, of course. (Always phone home when you’re in trouble.)
Soon, I had a gentle inclination — “stay here, people are coming.”

So, I waited.

I waited for 5 minutes.
Then 10 minutes.

The sky grew angrier and flashed with lightning.

My mind had the thought “it might be time to worry.”
It had now been 45 minutes since I had seen another human being.

“They are coming, wait by the stream…” I felt the simple instruction again and chose, very purposefully, to do what I was told — wait — and keep a clear head.
(screw you, fear, you hear me?)

In another 5 or 6 minutes, they popped out of the brush and emerged at the edge of the stream.

Four. Glorious. Beings. (imagine heavenly music playing) A silver-haired couple, about 60 years old with walking sticks; a beautiful black woman in her 20’s and a shirtless, energetic man with curly hair and athletic build.

I shouted at them from across the stream and they invited me to come over and hike back with them.

You would have thought we were long lost friends at a planned reunion. The wild and wonderful circumstances in which we found each other had wiped out the walls we usually have with people we just met.

Micheal, was an actor (no joke) on his way to Hollywood. He had been on Blacklist, many national commercials, and on the CMT series, Sun Records, to name a few. Heidi told us about her cancer and I could see how strong (and stubborn) she had been about her choice to fight for her life and win. Chelsea was an opera singer in grad school in Oklahoma, contemplating her future path. She and Micheal swapped stories about breaking into the music business (his life before acting.)

We took a group selfie on the bridge and shared a cup of hot tea on a couch at a nearby cafe that had a stunning resemblance to a grandmother’s cabin. There were books, board games, a piano, an old record player with a gramaphone and two fireplaces.

But no inside bathroom.

So I changed into dry clothes in the “employees only” room at the back entrance (door locked) and I’m pretty sure I was the first person to be naked in there next to the pots and pans.

Turns out Micheal had escaped for a few days to the mountains because he had been working too much, felt he was out of balance and was taking some time to get back to himself.

As I listened to another person put words to the exact thing I was experiencing, I realized the long string of spontaneous gifts this day had rolled out for me in eloquent sequence.

I came here by myself because I needed some time to rejuvinate, but I wasn’t alone. The hiking guide clued me in that changes were coming. The mountains taught me to let go and live a cleaner, simpler life. Inspiration taught me how to wait when I think I’m in trouble and watch for the answer on it’s way.

And new friends reminded me that connection is everywhere. The world is kind, people are loving, and life has my back.

Stay open, say yes, and steer hard into what matters most.

I felt smarter than I did in the morning,
and lovelier as a human overall.

Here’s a picture of the area. It wasn’t taken by me.
My pictures (and past) were washed by the rain :)

PS. If you’ve been texting me, I’ll have a new phone on Tuesday.

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May 19, 2017

HowIgothooked

HowIgothooked

(Get my new E-book (free) 101 Uses for Essential Oils that Will Blow Your Mind!)

You may know that I personally love essential oils and also have a large wellness community, but you probably don’t know how it got started and the personal problems I had that got me hooked on the oils in the first place

Here’s the untold part of the story…

In 2010, I had been a struggling author and talk radio show host for five years (making about $50 a month) who at long last was introduced to the world of internet marketing and quickly found my fire.   Within a year, I had sold over 6 figures of products and programs and in 2012, I had created my own systems to help other wellness businesses develop products, and market and sell them online.

I loved the work I was doing. I had great clients and I was making more money than I had ever dreamed of, but … almost no one knew I was suffering terribly from post traumatic stress due to childhood trauma.

I was mostly silent about this issue and trying to handle it on my own.

My life was beyond my wildest dreams.  I had a great husband, four amazing kids and a thriving business, but I felt so awful inside, and I was struggling to make it through each day.  I was constantly fighting emotional pain, low energy, and anxiety.

One day a friend sent me a box of essential oils and I literally said out loud, “This is weird.”

Then I opened one of the bottles and the aroma of fresh oranges filled the air. My low spirits lifted immediately and right then and there I was hooked.  If something so small could help me feel this good, I needed it!

I signed up for the monthly purchasing program and for the next year I used oils religiously.  I craved them like oxygen and began to count on them for so many things — sleep, high energy, immunity, emotional balance, and staying calm to I make it through my life day by day.

According to my husband, I began to sprinkle oils on everything in sight, including him!  He was a dentist and would feel under the weather about once a week from being exposed to so many germs from his patients.  As soon as he started taking On Guard, he felt great all the time and became a big believer, sharing the oils with his staff and patients.

The more I researched oils, the more I found.  They could literally do thousands of things!  (check out my new E-Book, 101 Uses for Essential Oils That Will Blow Your Mind
http://HeatherMadder.com/oils

*Digestive support
*Boost metabolism
*Clear breathing
*Cooking, cleaning, detox
*Healthy Skin
*Repel insects

I looked forward to my order arriving every month.  We started using vitamins, hair care, skin care, all the products were toxin free, high quality and creating a long last a wellness environment for me and my family.

About a year later, I was upstairs in my house — I still remember where I was standing —

and the Voice of Inspiration spoke to me and said, “Sell essential oils.”

“How?” I wondered, but I decided to take action on the prompting, even though I didn’t know the answer.

The next week I called my coaching clients and shared with them how much the oils had done for me and I offered them essential oil kit options along with coaching packages from me.

I enrolled about 25 people during the next few months and then simply went back to the world I knew–business coaching.

A few months later, checks were still rolling in from dōTERRA even though I wasn’t selling oils at the time.

First $100, then $200, then $400.  I called it “mad shoe money” back then because extra surprise spending money showed up in my mailbox each month.  When a $764 check arrived, I was so intrigued, I called my friend who had recently started the dōterra business to ask her what in the world was going on with this company.  She told me how fast the oil business was growing and how many people’s lives it was changing. I soon realized checks were coming to me because the people I had enrolled were still buying oils and recruiting other people.  They loved the products like I did — that was obvious.

I decided to give the business a try for two reasons.

The oils had done so much for me and I knew that it was going to work.  They had changed my life and I wanted to be involved in something that would do the same for others.  If other people loved them half as much as I did, they would keep buying.  Secondly, I wanted to be a part of a larger community. I had been in business for myself all this time and I worked hard–really hard for everything I had.  If I ever took time off, my income would stop immediately.  I craved support, help from a community, and a secure financial future I could count on.

Shortly after my commitment to build the business, I rose to the top ranks of the company and I never looked back.  In 2014, my husband David sold his dental practice and began to build dōTERRA with me as a joint partner and now my kids have both parents at home full time who build a life mission around our family and we’ve never been happier!

Today, this wellness community (a gift from God and the hands of so many others!) sells $25 million a year and reaches into 35 countries.

It all started when a single drop of orange oil lifted the weary spirits of a struggling woman.

Today, I am blown away by what the oils have done for me, my family and so many people we know.

That’s why I am so excited to share them with other people, and you’ll notice that I’ve been talking about them more and more right alongside my coaching programs, because they are a TOOL you can use to enhance every single aspect of life.  Plus, the purpose we have found in empowering other people’s lives brings us true fulfillment and we want to share that!

Every day we make an effort to express our gratitude for what we have and thank God for leading us here, because He knew the way.

He knew a drop of orange would lift the spirit of a silently struggling woman and I needed the oils for my healing journey.  He knew I’d follow the direction I had been given — sell the oils, even though I didn’t know how.  He knew mad shoe money would turn into a full time career for both me and my husband.

If you’re reading this and you’ve been struggling with emotional burdens, low energy or health issues, or you’ve been interested in oils, why don’t you send me an email and we can chat.

Who knows what might happen for you.
I can send you some info and samples and will be right there to take great care of you!

I’m so grateful to the person who sent me a box of oils several years ago and I want to be that person for others.

Huge, life changing journeys can often be traced back to a small starting point.

http://HeatherMadder.com/oils

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Biz Tip: Stay Inside Your Boundaries

Boundaries

From thousands of hours of coaching, it seems that nearly all business/relational conflicts come down to boundary issues.

“What is my part?”
“What is your part?

Do what’s yours.

Do it with clarity, and pure intent and don’t own what isn’t yours (and don’t apologize)

More to come later..

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The Choice is Yours

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Christmas is a time of many exciting things, but it’s not perfect.

A lot of people grieve and others suffer from unmet expectations.
Whatever we’re experiencing, there are so many choices that can make a difference in how we feel.

Sending love and peace, wherever you happen to find yourself.

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I Approve of Myself

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Get Bright Lights Daily! HeatherMadder.com/daily-bright-lights/

Everyday, you are creating your life according to your deepest beliefs. The more you allow these “I am” beliefs into your mind, the more they will take root in your life.

A must have arsenal in your skill sets.

 

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How to Empower People

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Stop trying to make or influence people’s life decisions FOR them. Instead …

1. ASK THEM: WHAT do you WANT?

After they identify it …

2. ASK: WHAT ARE ALL YOUR OPTIONS?

Let them list ALL the possibilities (and suggest some they might not see)

3. WHICH DO YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

Let the decision come from inside of them, with their own resources and innate power. If they need coaching, new ideas, more options, or help with blocks, OFFER it. But THEY MUST CHOOSE ON their own.

Once they decide…

4. ASK: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? and perhaps…WHAT SUPPORT WOULD YOU like FROM ME?

Say yes (or no!) to their specific requests. REQUIRE that they ASK directly and specifically for what they want with your involvement and do exactly (only) what you said you would do.

THIS IS A GREAT MODEL FOR EMPOWERING PEOPLE, rather than enabling them.

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I Am Honest

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My favorite thing about team calls is not growth numbers or big plans…but the HONESTY.

We have a culture of genuine authenticity where you can talk about where you’re weak or what you’re not good and that’s just what we do. You can share anything. No gossip. There’s no judgment. No backlash. (No one would listen if you tried.)

A celebration in the truth-telling.

So people will actually say in front of everyone… “On a scale of 0-10 with this, I’m a 3.”

I get a thrill when I hear it. Sometimes I’m the one who starts it. I love it because it’s so real, I think.

And because whatever you can SEE, you can IMPROVE, and I feel the progress speeding along all around me.

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Be Your Real Self

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Your real friends are the people you can be your true self around and feel at ease. Image maintenance is a game people play when they don’t trust being themselves with each other.

The more at home we are with ourselves the more we find people we can be real with.

Any place you are trying to create an impression (or feel obligated to be) is not a true relationship, but a veneer. When you stop that practice altogether, that game that offers no true satisfaction ends for you.

Relationships are nothing more than the genuine experience two people are having with each other.

Nothing can replace the feeling of trusting people to stay when they can see you, so why bring them in under any under terms in the first place?

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Biz Tip: Stay Inside Your Boundaries

Boundaries

From thousands of hours of coaching, it seems that nearly all business/relational conflicts come down to boundary issues.

“What is my part?”
“What is your part?

Do what’s yours.

Do it with clarity, and pure intent and don’t own what isn’t yours (and don’t apologize)

More to come later..

Share This:

Helping Your Kids Address Fear

HowMyDaughterConquered
The ocean scares me,” she said as we walked along the pier the first day of our month long stay in California.

That’s not what I expected (or wanted) to hear, with 30 days of beach play in front of us.  But one of the rules I follow in parenting is that I let my kids articulate their thoughts and feelings without reacting to what they are telling me, so they don’t shut down.  I want them to be honest (and not hide) so I know how to guide them through their experiences.

“Oh yeah,” I asked inquisitively, “What about the ocean makes you feel afraid?”

“I don’t know, it’s just so so big,” she said sweeping her hands out from her body, “and you like, don’t know what’s going to happen, Because it’s just SO big.”

I smiled.

“It IS big,” I said. “I can see how someone your size might feel that way.”
(Affirmed what she revealed to me.)

I  paused for a minute thinking about how best help her through the fear.

After a few moments, I asked, “Because it feels so big to you, do you not feel in control of what will happen?” (Follow up question to help her get more clarity on the problem.)

“I don’t know,” she said, “I might.”

“When things feel out of control for me, sometimes there is a part of me that wants to feel afraid.” (Relating to her so she felt safe to keep talking.)

“What do you think are some things we can do to help make it easier for you?
(Focusing on the next step to help her solve the problem.)

“I am not sure yet.”
She changed the subject and I let that be the end of it for the day.

I told David about the experience and on Day 2, he went to the surf shop with her and together they got a wet suit to keep her warm and buoyant in the water.

It hugged her body and covered her arms and legs.  She looked like she’s been spray painted with colored, cushion foam.   10384531_10152516674307390_7039553460999085382_n

On Day 3, wrapped in her wet suit, she grabbed a boogie board and headed for the water all by herself.  To my amazement, she kept going father and farther away from shore.

After a few minutes, I tried to get her attention to tell her where to stop, but immersed in the roar of the ocean, she couldn’t hear me.  She never looked back; she just kept swimming and soon she was so far out, I sent one of her brothers out to retrieve her so I could tell her where the limits were.

“So, I guess you’re not afraid of the ocean anymore?” I asked.

She smiled, “No, I LOVE it out there.”

A total and complete change in less than 48 hours.

I love this story because it reminds me of the STEPS children (and adults) need to go through when they are addressing fears–especially ones where they feel their safety is involved.

One of the things to remember is:
HOW PEOPLE FEEL … is HOW THEY FEEL.
It doesn’t mean that it’s right (or wrong), it just means that it’s TRUE for them.

A simple acknowledgement of an emotion will cause it to get smaller, but denying it, will make it bigger.

Acknowledging WHERE PEOPLE ARE, is the fastest way to get them to the next place, because they more you deny it, the stronger they feel they have to hold onto that emotion in order to get acknowledged.

Emotions are a lot like children throwing a fit.  They want some attention.  Giving it a very brief, “I see this,” is all you have to do.

It also doesn’t mean that we need to over-indulge the emotion or give into what it’s saying.
Enabling children by telling them to stay away from their fear, doesn’t help them cope with life and learn how to move past things, which is a skill they are going to need.

When we can SEE where they are, we can GUIDE them (effectively) in WHAT to DO ABOUT IT.

I have seen parents shut their children’s feelings so much that eventually their kids shut down altogether when they’re with them; they lie to their faces or they just go to other people.  (They still feel the same, but they withdraw from their parents.)

It’s low on the emotional intelligence scale and totally self-oriented.

What we’re really saying is “I” want you to feel what “I” THINK YOU SHOULD.

Of course, other parents go too far in the other direction where they don’t guide their kids PAST what they are experiencing and keep them away from anything that feels emotionally difficult for them.

This isn’t serving them either, because they don’t have the SKILL SET to move forward past their emotions.

It’s important to be aware that all life experiences of our children are stored in their subconscious for their entire lives.  If you think that how you are treating them when they are 3 is not going to be remembered, it will be.

It will not only be remembered, it will become a part of how they see and respond to the world.

It’s low-scale when you try to solve one problem with a strategy that creates lateral damage.

Instead of shutting down the people in your life and running over their thoughts and feelings (or placating them so much they become weak and immobilized), try these simple steps instead:

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1. Ask them to give voice to the emotion and show no reaction other than affirm you’re listening.

2. Acknowledge that it’s real for them.  Don’t argue or disagree with what they tell you. Once people feel acknowledged, their emotions usually lessen or go away; if you resist or deny them, they increase.

3. Ask them a follow up question so that THEY have more clarity on what’s going on.

4. Ask them “What’s the next step?” Don’t stop the conversation with empathy and baby them so much that they get the message they can sit down and stop moving just because they feel afraid.

____________

I did the listening part, but it was my husband who saw the solution right away.

When he gave her the wetsuit, it made her feel more physically comfortable and being buoyant made her feel in control enough to totally go for it.

I love how my daughter changed on her OWN when she felt safe.
I love that we have learned over the years how to guide our kids through the steps, instead of violating them.

I loved that when she had gone through the process, and felt she had control,
we had to REIGN her in..not throw her in.

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